My Missionary Tag

I have hesitated to share my opinions on this matter, mostly because my decision not to serve a formal LDS mission was one of the most sacred and spiritual experiences I have had. With my sister praying for an answer whether or not to serve, my best friend returning from her mission and another friend preparing to serve a mission, along with thousands of other young women seeking answers, I felt it very fitting to share my own story.
In 2012 I was attending Dixie State University. My roommates and I were all unable to go home for the October General Conference sessions so we decided to make a day of it. We invited our friends over to our small apartment and make a lavish breakfast of crepes and sat down to watch our general authorities speak. When President Monson stood and announced that the age requirement for missionaries would be changing and sisters would now be able to serve at the age of nineteen I remember my heart sinking. Unlike many of the other girls who jumped immediately to this call of service I was extremely skeptical. Honestly, a mission hadn't been a part of my five year plan and I wasn't sure I wanted to make it so. Many began to continuously encourage me to serve a mission; the great young man who I had sent on a mission only months before, my grandparents, my aunts and uncles, and many others. I spent a lot of time over the following weeks praying and seeking guidance through the scriptures because if I was supposed to serve a mission I was going to get the answer for myself. I chose to keep this a very private matter because I knew how much  my family and others wanted me to serve a mission. I didn't want my feelings to be swayed because of their own convictions.
Around the second week of November I woke up, said my morning prayers and a very strong and very real feeling came over me. So strong of a feeling that tears began to stream down my cheeks and I could hardly move from my knees. My answer was that I was to prepare to serve a mission. I was eight months away from my nineteenth birthday so I couldn't rush into the bishops office and get my application process started yet but I spoke with him about my decision. I also immediately wrote my missionary and called my parents to inform them of my decision. I told the boy that I was casually dating that we needed to see other people permanently because I was going on a mission and that was it. Consequently, four days later I met my husband Luke. My plans did an abrupt 180 and suddenly I realized my mission was not what I had thought it was. I was certainly going to serve a mission but it wasn't going to be the kind that I got a tag, a passport and left my family.
The moment I met Luke I had a connection with someone that I had only felt with one other person before. But this connection also came with an undeniable spiritual confirmation that we were to be married. This confirmation came rather quickly and by quickly I mean two weeks. As completely crazy as that sounds we decided we were on Gods time, not ours. We were engaged three months after we met and married six months later.
Though it appears that I had no qualms with the fact that I would no longer be serving a formal mission that is quite the opposite. I felt deceitful, selfish and like a complete liar. I felt like I had lied to my family and my missionary. Not only was I getting married but I had told him I was serving a mission only months before! I also wondered if the answers I was getting were selfish, because why would Heavenly Father tell me not to go on a mission? That makes no sense, our purpose here is to help others feel the spirit and live righteously so that not one seat will be empty when we reach the Celestial Kingdom. And though some of you may wonder, Luke was extremely supportive and understanding of my desires to serve a mission. He encouraged me to find answers for myself and no matter what that answer was he would be here waiting when I got it. Even then, I struggled.
My Single Adult Ward bishop was an absolutely amazing man. He was extremely connected with the members of his ward and when I informed him of my engagement he pulled me into his office to privately consult with me. As I sat in his office he looked over his desk with nothing but compassion in his eyes. He asked me if I was making the right decision and asked what had changed my mind. I relayed all that I could of the experiences I had had over past three months. I cried as I told him the feelings I was having about being selfish and deceitful. He reassured me that if I had prayed about marrying Luke that I was getting the right answers. He told me that the feelings I was having were from Satan, that he was tempting me to deny a temple marriage which is truly the highest saving ordinance that we can receive. He slid a book across his desk and I silently read the title, The Everyday Missionary. He encouraged me to go home and read its words carefully and I did. Suddenly I found that I was not only making the right decision but that I could serve a mission every day of my life, which was far more important for me then to serve a formal mission of eighteen months. We should always feel as though we are serving a mission. We should live our lives like someone is always watching us so that when someone really is, the light of Christ can show through us. As my best friend said in her homecoming talk this past weekend, we should all have our missionary badges permanently imprinted upon our hearts because the moment we were baptized we became representatives of Christ.
I knew that I would be sad often (which was true) because I had chosen not to serve a mission that I so desperately had wanted to go on, yet the trade offs have been so worth it.
There are many days that I have doubted myself because of others accusations. Accusations like; you must not have been worthy to go on a mission, you must feel bad that you are less spiritual than those that went on a mission, etc. Fortunately for myself and others who did not serve a mission, it is not a saving ordinance. The true importance is ensuring that you are worthy to participate in the saving ordinances that are performed within the sacred walls of our temples. Secondly, I am thankful that we all grow spiritually at our own rate and that it is continuous. It does not solely occur while serving a mission, nor does it end on a mission. We as individuals determine our spiritual growth. What you put in is what you get out. Lastly, we receive individual revelation for ourselves. Do not let others influence the way you feel about yourself because they feel that they have received some kind of revelation for you or they feel you received incorrect revelation. If your answer comes and you know that it was an answer from our Heavenly Father then don't let others persuade you otherwise.
We are all children of our Heavenly Father and if we seek answers righteously we will not be left in the dark. We will be guided to the true path that our Heavenly Father wants us to follow.
The point is, be a missionary every day of your life. Live your life in accordance with the Lord and all will be well, whether you serve a formal mission or not.

Paralysis and Patience

Today I am feeling grateful! You know what I am feeling grateful for? My husbands paralysis. I know this may seem strange but in some ways I feel that he sustained his injuries for my benefit. I have gained so much. One thing I have gained in particular is a surplus of patience (which if you know me, you know I was lacking and am still lacking in). This patience isn't only for my cute husband and his disabilities, but for others.
When I first met Luke I was asked all the time if I could handle everything that comes with disabilities. To this day I am asked how I can cope with the set backs that often his paralysis can present. My answer to this was, in my mind obvious and very simple. Of course I can handle it! With my background knowledge of his disability, I was actually quite prepared for what lie ahead of me. I knew that physically it may be challenging sometimes, but if Luke could fulfill my mental and emotional needs then I could certainly handle everything else that came my way. Our mortal existence is so short, someday Luke will be able to run around and be healthy again. It would be denying so many blessings if I hadn't married Luke just because he had some temporary physical setbacks.
Little did I know that my struggles would not be the physically challenging situations that we are often presented with. My struggle would come with dealing with the people we do and don't know that surround us every day. Because disability is so rare people are often curious about Luke. We are bombarded everywhere we go with questions about why he walks the way he walks. Though they may be asked at inconvenient times, we welcome these questions and treat them as an opportunity for education. Occasionally though, these questions are not directed out of curiosity and rather directed with anger and ignorance. Countless times have people been irritated that we can't move more quickly, appalled that we would pull into a handicapped parking space or ride an electric shopping cart at the store. These have been the most heartbreaking of all of the situations.
Upon first glance most wouldn't assume that Luke has any kind of physical disability. He is young and vibrant and well.... he walks! When people hear the word "paralyzed" they often think of someone who is wheelchair bound, not someone who can walk. Never have we received criticism when Luke is in his wheelchair. At first this was something that really bothered me! How can anyone know what kind of disability that someone has just by looking at them? Especially when there are so many diseases that one cannot see on the outside. And more frankly, how can someone have the courage to yell at someone they have never met in public? As terrible as it sounds, on more than one occasion I have been tempted to walk up to an individual and punch them square in the jaw for the things they said.
I then learned a very important lesson from my husband. He reminded me that just as they know nothing of our situation, we know nothing of theirs. We don't know why they feel the passion that they feel. This was shown to me just a short time later when a gentleman got quite angry with us as we pulled into a handicapped parking spot. Moments after we got out of the car and had walked into the building, this gentleman found us to convey and apology for getting angry with us. This gentleman followed his apology with an explanation for his anger. His daughter was paralyzed as well but in addition, she was wheelchair bound. Often they had gone to stores or restaurants finding that there were no handicapped parking spots because capable individuals had borrowed someone else's handicapped parking pass so they could park closer to the door. In that moment I found that those that yelled at us were often not so different from us after all.
I pray daily for an extra dose of patience for myself and also for others..Our Heavenly Father has asked us to give all the benefit of the doubt and love all of our neighbors. For as much as I expect that others respect us and be understanding, I must also be understanding of them. If I hadn't met and married Luke I wouldn't have had this opportunity and I am so incredibly grateful that I did.

Education First

As a disclaimer before you read this post: Most of you know my standing when it comes to the topic of vaccinations. If you do not, I am pro-vaccine. With that in mind, this is not a blog post geared at persuading you to become pro-vaccine. This post is solely based on being educated about vaccinations before you make your decision. I have the utmost respect for those who have made the educated choice to vaccinate as well as those who have decided not to. 
For a long time I have been truly perplexed by both sides of this argument. I will admit that both sides have compelling arguments regarding the topic of vaccines.My family is full of zealous individuals that are extremely opinionated and this subject visits the dinner table frequently. Some members vaccinate while others do not. At a young age I found myself doing in depth research to form an opinion of my own.
Most recently I have had the pleasure of discussing the topic of vaccinations with several individuals. This includes professors, doctors, mothers, fathers, researchers and average individuals. People from all of these categories had differing opinions from one another. Some were pro-vaccine while others were anti-vaccine. Obviously the professors and doctors that I spoke with were highly educated individuals that had serious knowledge backing their opinions (some were pro-vaccine while others weren't). The one thing that I found immensely disconcerting on both sides of the debate is that beyond those with doctorate degrees, the others were basing their opinions off of unreliable sources such as blogs of other mothers, and unaccredited websites that were opinion based.
Even if you have no intention of changing your opinion, I still feel that it is absolutely crucial to be educated on the subject of vaccines. Aristotle said, "It is the mark of an educated mind to be able to entertain a thought without accepting it."
This is a subject that is very controversial and it has its extremes at both ends. In my own research, I found that the first things to pop up if you search vaccines on the internet are very popular and unaccredited articles from people who have no education or scientific proof backing their opinions either way. THIS IS WHAT EVERYONE SEES! This is very scary to me.In talking to individuals on either side of the debate a lot of the answers I heard to the question "why do you feel that way?" were: because a mom said so on her blog, because I just don't believe it in, because the doctor said that I should, etc.This is why It is so incredibly important to do your own research and find out for yourself what you believe. No one can judge you if you have educated, scientific facts to back up your opinion. Regardless of your opinion on the subject.
If you choose the internet as your route for your research I suggest only taking information from accredited websites and organizations seriously. Websites such as:

• http://www.chop.edu/service/vaccine-education-center/
• http://www.cdc.gov/vaccines/ed/patient-ed.htm
• http://www.immunize.org/handouts/discussing-vaccines-parents.asp
• http://www.who.int/en/

These websites are fantastic! They are websites that have information about each individual vaccine that is offered. They also specifically talk about the science behind vaccines, statistics and also vaccine safety.
Please take the time to research and make educated decisions. This decision does not only affect you. It affects your children, other children, and countless amounts of people you will never know or meet. As with any other medical practice, there are certain risks that should be considered. But without education of the practice, you will never know if those risks are worth taking.

I'm Nineteen. And I'm Married.

I'm writing this, not in spite of anyone but because I have felt like it's something that needs to be addressed for a long time. I never thought that someday I would be ashamed of telling people how old I was but once I reached my second semester of college I felt this frantic need to keep my age a secret. I didn't want people to know because..... I was in love. Yep, you read right! In love at eighteen? Now who could do that?! and more appalling than that? I WAS GETTING MARRIED! The judgement started immediately. Which definitely put a little bit of a strain on my relationship. It made me second guess all of my decisions and made me wonder if I was doing the right thing up until I actually got married because people made it sound like the worst decision I had ever made. How can getting married in the temple be a bad thing? And boy am I glad I didn't listen to anyone.
Now do I think that getting married young is for everyone? NOT AT ALL! Every single person is different, so different things are going to be right for different people. All of my friends but a very small handful are on missions. Even the girls. Amazingly the small handful still home are all married in the temple and happy or headed in a healthy direction of life. But do I look back and think, I wish I would have gone on a mission? Absolutely. Mostly for selfish reasons but sometimes I do. Do sometimes I look at my cousin and single friends and think, man I wish I could still go to dances and feel the excitement of getting ready for a date? Occasionally I do.
But getting married has been the biggest blessing in my life. My husband is my very best friend and I am so glad that I get to date him for the rest of eternity! When I get those envious feelings of missing out on dating I remember how awesome it is that I never have to go home after a date, and every day can be a date if you make it one. A lot of people have asked if I felt like we rushed into marriage too fast. I don't think we did at all. I was the first person to say things like, who gets married young and who gets married without knowing someone for at least a year? I had a missionary out and I was planning on going on a mission myself when I met Luke and two weeks after we met we were talking marriage. It was the strangest sensation. We just knew we needed to be together and that's the ONLY way to explain it.

We were engaged three months to the date that we met and then married almost exactly six months later and I haven't regretting it a moment since.
A friend once said that in dating you learn a lot about a person. You learn about their pet peeves and their likes and dislikes and the things that make them feel better. I agree with that one hundred percent. That's why I am committed to continue to date even though I'm married (my husband that is!). You will never know everything about someone. My parents still find things out about each other and they've been married for over twenty years. People change and so you'll never cease learning. And hey! Dating while your married can still be fun, sometimes more fun than dating while you're single!
For some people, getting married fast isn't the best. But for me it was!

Miracles Upon Miracles: Wheelchair Brothers

What an awesome experience we had last night! Several weeks ago, through facebook (even though Luke hates FB!), we found a page that was created for a guy named Carson. He was recently in an accident that left him paralyzed.

While Luke was in the hospital after his own accident he had several individuals with similar situations to his own visit him. He has felt so grateful for those relationships since those crucial visits. He has felt compelled to give back since then and to help others the way he was helped.  Luke and I began facebook stalking and decided that SOMEHOW we were going to meet this guy. We had to jump through some hoops and make some phone calls but we finally got a hold of Carson's family and they so graciously agreed to let us come visit. 

These two men in the picture above are my hero's! (obviously, because I married one of them!) This trial is not an easy one to overcome. To be so grounded and emotionally whole during this phase of recovery is beyond words. We all have sympathy for these two. The only people who really understand what they are going through though is each other. 

As soon as they met you could see the instant connection. I think my husband found his soul brother! beyond the fact that they had nearly identical injuries, they had a tremendous amount of things in common. It was so great to listen to them talk and compare experiences of their initial reactions upon becoming aware of their paralysis, Carson asking Luke how he does his hair with his numb, how neither was scared or worried when they realized the extremity of their situations. (Luke was way more worried about his chipped tooth!)

Carson is such an amazing individual and his attitude and motivation are going to get him so far in this process. These two have never let anything stop them and I doubt they'll start now! Heavenly Father gives us experiences for a reason and he's going to bless Carson and his family just as Luke and his own family have been blessed.